Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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