I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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