i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
