At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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