question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
