I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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