i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
