There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
