chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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