i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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