my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
