I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
