walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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