Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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