apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
