He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
