Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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