I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
