...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
