Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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