Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
