At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the condom got lost in my hair
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
