You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
