Your tits are I can't wait for
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
