I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
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part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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