There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
