Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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