I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
