I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
