standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This baby is an asshole
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
