just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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