Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
