John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
