From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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