There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
