Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
