dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
