There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
