she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
