You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
