What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
