Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
