Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
