So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
