Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
