just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
