i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
