Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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