I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
