Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were destined to go to rehab together
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
