I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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