be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
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I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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