Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
