Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
