You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
