I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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