I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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