Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
