I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize