Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
